I was quizzing my daughter on animal sounds the other day.  I asked her "What does a kitty say?"  She responded "Meow."  Next I asked "What does a doggy say?"  She replied "Woof."  Lastly, I tried to trick her by asking "And what does a deer say?"  She exclaimed "Pow, pow!"

My sweet granddaughter asked me one day, "Granny, how old are you?" I said to her, "I'm too old to remember." With a look of satisfaction she said "Do what I do and look in the back of your panties, mine say 5 to 6."

After purchasing a warranty for his truck, my husband was extremely upset when it broke down and the broken part wasn't covered.  Frustrated, he yelled "Lifetime warranty my a**."  Our son overheard this and asked "Dad what's a lifetime warranty?"  "It means you get screwed" my husband replied still upset.  My son, who was always getting into trouble and was no stranger to time outs said "Well I guess I get lifetime warranties all the time."

One day I explained to my daughter, "Your baby brother has a boo-boo in his private area called a Hernia and has to have an operation." A month passed by and my son was attempting to slide down the stairs when his knowledgeable three-year-old sister screamed excitedly, "You can't slide down the stairs, they sewed it back on once, and they won't do it again."

I saw my granddaughter trying to open a medicine bottle and informed her that it was "child proof."  With an astounded look on her face, she asked "How does the bottle know it's me and not you?"

As my son stood on the bathroom scale he asked, "How much do I cost?"

I took my Grandson to our cabin one weekend.  In the evening, he become upset because he began noticing lots of mosquitoes.  I tried to make him feel better by telling him "If we turn the lights off and stay in the cabin we won't attract the mosquitoes. It seemed to work for a few minutes until my Grandson screamed "It's no use...now the they're coming after us with flash lights." (Fireflies)

My granddaughter all excited and announced "I learned how to make babies in school today."  "How?" I asked.  "It's real simple" she replied "You change the y to an i and add es."

After watching an old movie, my son turned to me and asked "Were you alive when everything was black and white outside?"

My husband and I left our son, Ben, in the care of his aunt to go on our first vacation without him.  Knowing he would have a hard time sleeping while we were gone, Ben's aunt said "Now that Mom an Dad went on a trip, you're going to have to be brave and sleep all by yourself."  Clearly upset, my son replied "But Daddy isn't brave... he always sleeps with Mommy."

I told my son to draw what you see on TV keeping him busy so I could clean the kitchen. He gave me a weird look, and I fully expected to come back into the room and find him coloring away with his box of crayons.  Instead, I was totally shocked.  He had followed my instructinos to the letter.  The entire surface of the TV screen was colord bright orange, red, blue and green.  He had drawn what he saw on TV...only it was on the TV.