A VERY LARGE MAN at the grocery store checkout line asked my son "Is your Mommy making you your favorite dinner tonight?  Are you having PIZZA FOR DINNER?"  My eyes locked on my son SILENTLY PLEADING FOR HIM TO ANSWER POLITELY.  Instead he replied "We're having BBQ tonight...Mommy says WE ORDER PIZZA TOO MUCH and TOO MUCH PIZZA MAKES YOU FAT.  Did you EAT TOO MUCH PIZZA?" 

Three men came to our door passing out PAMPHLETS with a PICTURE OF JESUS ON THE CROSS. My younger son points to the picture asking "WHAT IS THIS?".  My older son replies confidently "It's Jesus when he REALLY DIED.  He was KILLED BY ROMANS AND SEA URCHINS. They PUT A BIRD'S NEST (crown of thorns) on his head, POKED HIM and made him get killed on that cross. Yeah, then God OPENED THE GATES OF HEAVEN, TOOK OFF HIS BIRD'S NEST and LET HIM COME IN and LIVE IN THE CLOUDS. (God bless the children, right?)

At the Bakery getting my son's BIRTHDAY CAKE the girl at the counter asked him HOW OLD HE WAS.  My son replied "I'm 18 & an ADULT.  My younger son added, "Yeah and Mommy says HE'S A S-O-B.  I explained that my older son is CONSTANTLY TRYING TO GET PERMISSION to do things by reasoning that HE'S AN ADULT  So my response to him is that IF HE'S AN ADULT, HE NEEDS TO GET A J-O-B  (Not a S-O-B)

While checking out at a local pharmacy my DAUGHTER POINTS AT A DISPLAY on the counter and cheerily YELLS "SH*T, SH*T".   I, of course, completely ignore both my child and the look of disgust from the elderly woman behind me.  My son quickly comes to the rescue by chiming in "IF YOU KEEP SAYING SH*T, MOMMY IS GONNA SPANK YOUR ASS"