Son: I'm drawing a PICTURE of you 

Mom: But I have 2 EYES NOT 1 EYE AND WHER'ES MY MOUTH?

Son: Oh THAT'S NOT YOUR HEAD...It's your BOOB

On a test I gave to my fourth grade class, I asked "What process is used to make water safe to drink?"  One third grader wrote "Filtration makes water safe because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep, and canoeists from the water."

My typically sweet baby girl must've been having a rough time at daycare because she suddenly shouted "Shut up and stop crying!" to one of her playmates. After being gently corrected by a daycare worker, reminding her that "That's not how we talk to our friends," she screamed at her "Shut up please!"

My brother was playing blocks with my son. He told him, "That block is purple."  My son exclaimed "No, it's blue!" My brother, trying to redeem himself said "Well, that block is yellow."  My son couldn't believe his ears and corrected his uncle once again "Actually it's green...I think you need to go back to nursery school."

Mom: Your friend shoved a CRAYON IN HIS EAR and had it removed by a doctor...I hope you learn a LESSON from that

Daughter:  WHAT COLOR was the crayon?

My 8 year old was hanging out with my sister the other day. "I've been learning chinese," he said.  Shocked, his aunt asked "What have you learned?" And my silly boy replied "All you can eat buffet."

My daughters and I were cleaning their room when my six year old, Laura asked "Wouldn't it be strange if I was in the bedroom than suddenly knocked on the front door?"  I said yes.  (5 minutes later there's a knock on the door) Confused, I asked "How did you get outside?" Laura nonchalantly said "I jumped out the window."  I raised my voice as I said, "Never do that again!"  Just then her little sister piped up and said, "Unless there's a fire."

I told my daughter the other day, "No hitting, we don't hit people." She immediately responded with "Well I do."