While shampooing and rinsing my son's hair because he hates to shower,  I commented "You'll need a haircut soon becaause your hair is growing so fast.  He replied indignantly "Maybe if you wouldn't water it so much it wouldn't grow so fast."

Mom: Your Aunt just had A NEW BABY BOY and HE LOOKS LIKE YOUR UNCLE

Daughter: You mean HE HAS A MUSTACHE