One day my five year-old daughter told me her mommy was taking her to her cousin's Bar Mitzvah out of state.  I asked "Do you know what a Bar Mitzvah is?"  She replied confidently "Yes, it's something they do in New Jersey."

"You're going to clean up the playroom after school," I told my daughter. She responded, "Does Jesus have hands?" When I said yes, she stated, "Then he can do it."

My son kept staring at the church crucifix as the preacher delivered his sermon.  Finally he tugged at my sleeve and asked "Is that crucifix really God's phone?" "Of course not" I repleid than edded "Who told you that?  "Brian (the brother) did but he said only to use it in case of emergency."