My son demanded that we go to Wal-Mart where we go to buy just about everything. When I asked him the reason for this urgent trip, he said, "I just noticed that my butt has a crack in it and I need a new one."

The doctor assured my daughter "This shot won't hurt." She looked at him and with a hint of fear said, "Don't pop me, my sister said I will pop like a balloon if I'm poked by a needle." 

As I watched my 3 year old rub her nose on her sleeve, I said the typcial Mom line to my 3 year old  "Blow  your nose, you have boogers in it."  Only I got a very unexpected reply as the little devil grinned back "No I don't, I already picked them out."

I had to take my son to the Doctor last week for his yearly phyisical. As the nurse was administering the last shot, he screamed "Ow! That freaking hurts you mediocre face!"

My son told me, "I don't go pee pee in the potty, I go pee pee in the bath."

I asked my daughter, "Do you have the hiccups?"  She quickly explained to me ,"No my teeth are just coughing."  

As my son stood on the bathroom scale he asked, "How much do I cost?"

Teacher: Are you ALLERGIC to anything?  

1st Grader: ONLY CLEANING MY ROOM

My daughter asked me, "What's that?" I said to her, "That's Mama's tummy." A little confused she asked, "You have two of them?"