When my two year old fell out of bed,  I asked, "Are you alright?"  She replied, "I'm fine, I landed on myself."

Top 25 Most Important Things To Teach Your Kids:

1. Take that off of your head, a diaper is not a hat

2. No, he doesn' have a baby in his belly

3. Get off the dog, Dudley is not a horse

4. The violin is not a guitar

5. Please stop licking the floor

6. You can't just pee on anyone's car, only pee on our car

7. Please stop sucking your toe

8. That's not the neighbor's sandbox, it's kitty litter

9. Please stop licking your brother

10. Dog treats are only for dogs. People treats are for people

11. No, it's not OK to touch his penis

12 Peanut butter is not paint

13. Pennies do not go in the CD player. It is not a bank.

14. Please do not touch Miss Katherine's boobies. That is rude

15.  If he peed in the bathtub Please don't drink the bathwater

16. Speak to me in English, not French

17. Fine, fight with your sister, just do it in French

18 Batteries don't go in the VCR

19. The computer mouse is not a race car

20. Yes, underwear is necessary

21 Yes all the mannequins have boobies. Now put her shirt down

22 Mustard is not a drink

23 No, you may not jump on your brother's back

24 Those blankets are not for making slip-n-slide on the floor

25 Goodest is not a word

Dad: What part of no don't you understand? 

Child:  All of it.

"Please close the curtains, the sun is looking at me too hard."